Stuck.

Go in there.
No.

Chris, this isn't a request, when the alternative is you sitting around doing nothing, you better believe the right thing to do would be to go in there and to the least introduce yourself to the guest.
I don't wanna. Besides it won't just be an introduction. I'll have to hang around and watch stupid youtube videos.

You make that sound like it's a bad thing.
It's more the having to fake emotions part.

Is that necessary?
What? Go in there with a mopey face without a clear indication on what's actually wrong?

Well maybe you wouldn't be so mopey if you joined the people who sound like they're having a great time.
...but... I don't want to..

Christopher.
Oh no, my first name in full.

Weigh up your options here; you can sit in your room, slowly becoming more annoyed at your computer's inability to run battlefield 4 at a standard fps.
OR - and stick with me on this one.....
You just realized after 5 minutes of sitting on that couch even you would want to leave.

.....I....
....out of the two options which is better?
Neither.

So you're better off sitting in your room?
No. I need to eat, but I don't want to cook in front of them and let my brain rack about what they think about me not joining in on either the activities or conversation. I might go get take away.

How is that any better?
Either way; whether in front of them or in another room, they have already acknowledged that you are here, and have chosen not to participate.
But it's more rude if I'm just standing there nearby doing my own cooking...

You're worried about being rude? Little late for that ship. Sailed about 3 months ago dude.
I'll work on my own social connections soon enough.

Well you really should be out there.
You watch a random stream of videos all compromising of 7 second clips that require the attention span of a duck.

.... just work on something.

An update. ~An update usually consists of change mind you.

Oh so now we're both sharing the title?
Well, it didn't seem fair. No, hang on, fair isn't the right word; accurate. An update would usually suggest some type of progress or change.

Well today I got a bunch of shit done.
Doing your chores that you're meant to do is not considered shit you're meant to get done.
It's stuff you're meant to do everyday.

God damn, you are negative today aren't you?
I think it's a combination of our environment, and having to be stuck with you every day.

Okay, this need's to change.
What does?

This condescending attitude, you try to act all high and mighty like you are the one who know's what I'm meant to be doing with myself, and it comes off as arrogant dude. The people in my life with the same attitude, I can assure you doesn't help too. So what makes you think that you're helping with this?
Hey, I'm pretty sure you picked it. Thinking it would act as a motivator or something.

Well, it doesn't work. We need a change of method.
You seem content waiting until your next pay cycle before doing anything for yourself, I don't like it. So I'm letting you know. By being a dick.

Well, again, it's not helping.
Oh wise O' one, please bless us with your insightful knowledge on how to lead this perfect life you keep trying to enable.

Do better...don't talk about doing better?
You don't even sound sure about that.

Well, giving myself sympathy doesn't work, giving myself a hard time doesn't work, being overly optimistic doesn't wo-
I want you to think about that. "doesn't work". What does that mean?
You think in a matter of a few days that you're going to magically fix everything?
Hey, there's another point, what the hell is everything? 

I think you over exaggerated when saying 'everything'. I think that's just a reflection of us wanting things to be better.
But we don't know how.

Well who does?
Clearly not u-

No, I'm stopping you right there.
Who I am today is the result of us not surrounding ourselves with people who encourage positive habits, and discourage the negative one's.
That sounds like you trying to cast the blame onto someone else.

....No.. I know I am the source of my own inability to...
To what? what is it you aren't doing?

...I am doing a fair bit for myself.. it just feels like I'm not because there's no responses to any of my job applications, or I can't settle on an idea to work on in my own free time.
Sitting around watching anime for half the day probably doesn't help.

Well I'm getting tired man, relying on yourself for your own happiness get's exhausting.
And that's the case for everyone, again you shouldn't be trying to seek sympathy from yourself for your own laziness.

These posts would be something worth following for other people if you were either making progress; or actually sharing helpful insight that other's can apply to themselves. instead you've spent the last few weeks just whinging on here.

So what should I do then?
...I don't really know man.

That's helpful.
Well we both have an idea of which goal's being accomplished would provide the most help in our own personal development. But we're stuck in a time period where Unemployment is at an all time low. Your personal contacts who might be able to help you out long-term career wise won't be seen until the next political meeting, which is weeks away. We can't wait until then to pick up our game.

What are we meant to accomplish?
Focusing on thing's that we can achieve. You can't guarantee to get a job if you go out and get one.
But it would do you wonder's to stretch out and rekindle some of your social connections. 

So I should focus on feeling better first.
I can't see what else to do in our current state; and we're not even that bad right now. 
I think we need to be more persistent in staying away from bingeing on movies and internet content. Nothing progressive occur's when you're watching youtube, or refreshing reddit for the 12th time.

Alright, I need to be more stern with myself.
Bingooo. Also, I think you should do a post about the way you count nutritional value in food.

I was thinking that earlier...
Well, you learning it helped you better maintain your diet and weight. I'm sure the same information would help other's too.

Well, work's in 8 minutes, so I've gotta do that.
Do something constructive when you finish work.

Yeah, I agree.

~Two steps forward, two steps back.

I'm a little annoyed.

Christopher in the space of I believe 3 weeks has managed to get 2 things done.

1. Organize centrelink payments, to cover funding until work comes around my way.
2. There is no 2. He still smokes every couple of days when he gets invited by his friend.

He honestly only seems to comply because a part of him is too optimistic about whether he is going to develop a closer relationship with her. I'm unsure whether it is based on a friendship concept, or if he is being stubborn into regards on how easily he can let go of people after they reach a certain level of intimacy with him.
We've acknowledged the past, and have been trying to work around his tendency to become over attached to people the moment his imagination believes it can pass it's over-reaching dreams over to and integrate itself into his logical side.

It is very frustrating to say the least when he manages to spin his fairly tale bullshit into my side of the head, rendering me unable to highlight when he is being unrealistic, and essentially mute me the moment he feels he can progress any of his dreams.

I get dreams, they act as a motivator to push you beyond your normal expectations. Having goals gives you a sense of direction, a path that no matter how far off it you explore, searching through thickets and off-trail tracks that all metaphorically represent branching out and trying new things, ways to interact; that no matter how far you wander, just like home you are drawn to the original path you started. The end goals you first dreamt of as a naive 16 year old kid.

This, does not help me at all >.>

Do you know how long it takes to develop a habit?
For a routine ritual to become from something you push yourself to do, to something you just autonomously do without thinking is approx 52 days.

This data could be off by a margin of 17 days, but irregardless; none of the positive habits we have been trying to drill into ourselves has lasted more than a week, week and a half tops.

I think we bit off more than we could chew. Simply acknowledging this isn't enough of course, but allowing either of us to drift back to not actively improving our life, as opposed to just Living life, isn't an option we want to take.

Impatiency is a key problem here, trying to get so much changed/achieved in a short span of time, it burns you out. A plan may be written out tomorrow...

I'll let him sleep, it's been a long day.

Status: 3 days since last pipe. Want this run to go longer.

Dreams, and the capacity to learn.

Oh hey there, it's been a bit quiet around here hasn't it? I'm sure you, the average supernet cat disciple of the anon have noticed that there hasn't been any updates for a while.

Why?

Have I fallen back into the Lazy habit of not giving a fuck?

Has life taken a steer divergent course from it's regular regularities?

Do open ended rhetorical questions ever come off as anything less than pretentious?
I'm pretty sure you've made this quip before.

Doesn't matter! I'm trying to sound distant and philosophical, I have my stage, and you have yours.
Well I didn't want to see you piss all over yourself before you got a chance to make up excuses as to your lack of engagement around here.

Awhh... did you miss me or something?
I.... No. .... shut up >.> weren't you here to say something?

I was, but you seemed to have engaged yourself in this conversation now. It was going to be a post directed to the audience about my recent 'revelation' in regards to dreaming.
So, I'm not going to stop you, proceed.
*sits awaiting to cast judgement*

Well, readers, I've reached a stage where I am now able to recall my dreams in the morning. At least well enough that If I think about it the moment I wake up (which requires me to usually wake up either just after, during a dream or have the dream be emotionally gripping enough that I remember it) I can recall more than 40 percent of the dream-
That's a pretty subpar performance in recollection you got there dude.

Baby steps guy, it's still a vast improvement over 50 shades of zip.
So waking up this morning (I had to come back here to mention it was yesterday morning by the time I wrote this point, why don't I just edit this shit out?), I was able to remember my dream, and through doing that, I was able to actually learn something in regards to the way I approach social situations with girls I am currently already familiar with.
Gripping, please tell me more.

I don't want to go into the details specifically on who, or what happened,  as it most likely will be misconstrued as sub consciously wanting to go 'after' this person, and on reflection I Suppose that is how it started, fulfilling a small fantasy, or in this case a reenactment of one of my past relationships but set in present time.
That's an awfully long time to go without a full stop.  I wonder if I'm the only one who noticed.

I'm sorry if he is coming off as tangential, it is late and I am rather tired. But what I realized upon waking up, was that before today, I had gone 350 days of the year on average not being capable of remembering my dreams.
So how is this a bad thing? Because you don't get to be superman in your sleep time?

No no no no no, ...well yes, but me trying to fly in a dream usually just results in me running across giant fields flapping my arms desperately trying to hover for more than a few mere seconds.

The thing about dreams, is they are an excellent way for you to internalize and manifest your real life issues, insecurities and faults in a safe place where you can't actually screw up anything you got going in the real world. This isn't the case for all dreams sure, some are just weird, or the result of so many different inputs conglomerated into a surreal orgy of ideas and perceptions you had of that day.

But sometimes, your dreams are as I stated before, a way for your sub conscious to put forward a present issue or threat to your life/well being, and allow you the opportunity to both try different methods of dealing with them, and let you react to the way you dealt with, and responded emotionally to the issues present in the dream.

This (Yeah it was here, have a medal) yesterday morning it was the latter of the two, I had a really lovely pleasant dream about being with someone I know I shouldn't be looking at in this certain way-
Being vague is just annoying, it was your ex of 5-6 years ago, and all you can remember at this point was the dream  played out as if it was you were together. Date wasn't important or relevant,  and it wasn't trying to ground itself in being realistic or believable. She jumped in your bed naked, you both rolled around giggling and talking like how you used to, or at least what you think you remember of this relationship. This dream then followed with some boring scenes of you just enjoying her company in various public locations.

-..Hey, I could have said all tha-
You then woke up, realizing that despite you thinking you were doing your best to not view her as anything potential, in regards to relationships or just more than friends, that with almost every female friend you have that you secretly like to have an afterthought of "would like this make her like me more".

You told yourself a few weeks ago if you 'chase' anyone and don't motivate yourself to do more with/for these girls as a friend, with friendly intentions other than your own selfish agenda of filling a 'hole' in your heart, that you are not going to be able to swoon anyone while you reek of desperation.

You know no one digs that.

Yes... Thank you..
I'm tired, wrap this up.

My point, was that in all the many times I overdo it in real life, I am able to blind myself to how overbearing I am being until it is far too late. Waking up from this dream let me realize how needy I was coming across,  even to myself when all in all the dream went smoothly, there was no conflict.
I think this is what caused me to awake with a feeling of disdain about the way I got so happy to have something I know I didn't earn.

I had more to this but I believe I'm fatigued to a point where I'm struggling with basic short term memory. I hope I can come back and further explain what I mean.
Wrap. It. Up.

Goodnight *yawn*

.