- Horse Shit!
Uh oh, Somebody's maaddd.
You're damn Fuckin' right I'm pissed, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
Woooahhhh Space Cowboy, hold on, what's up?
WHAT'S UP?! OH YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUCKING CLEVER, AVOIDING ANY FORM OF ACTUAL EFFORT OR WORK, AND SOMEHOW STILL NOT MANAGING TO MOVE A MUSCLE.
Heyyy, Come on now, It hasn't been that unproductive. I've got two (possibly two, one fo' sure) part time job's, I can relax a little right?
It's like you don't even listen to me!
Here, Tell me if this sounds familiar to you at all.
"3 days in a row now, you need to start your day 100 percent motivated."
"Well what's up with that? Dude you should be pushin' to the limit, Juggling 5 part time job's and teaching
someone's kid algebra.
I think it was because how easily I picked up work yesterday, that I didn't feel a "need" to push myself and
achieve a whole bunch today..
Guy. You know that's how it starts.
Yeah, I know Buddy."
....You didn't want me to start this blog for helping other people's sake did you.
You can help someone on the way, sure, but no this blog is more of tool for yourself.
You have a bad habit of creating false positive memories about how you've felt, so you get a false sense of security and stop making an effort. We did all this so you can see, visually see, how you always think you start off so grand and high minded, but it only ever takes a few days before you slack off and let your interest drop.
I feel I've done a bit better than....Oh...
Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.
Well...Shit. What do I do about this?
Wh-.....What do you do about this? You honestly want me to believe that you have no clue and are just waiting for someone to come round and give you some 1up Speech that will kick you into high gear and never come back down?
Your thoughts, not mine.
Same. Thoughts.
Shit... right, well I don't know. I was a bit let down last night not being able to see a friend, I've felt monotone all day-
Does monotone make sense in that sentence?
I think so, I'm not going to look it up until someone on the internet tell's me I'm wrong.
Anyway, So that left me feeling meh this morning, I've called a few friends, but they are working/busy for today.
So, how did you rationalize that into today being another waste of a day?
BECAUSE, I keep going round and round in my head with the same trains of thought. As follows.
- I need more hours/ another Job. Money will be SUPER HIGH PRIORITY when monday comes 'round, but by then it'd be too late to do anything.
-I need to go to Centrelink and make application for Newstart, even though I would't see any of that for a while. Once I do the application, all I have to do is wait, but I haven't made an effort to go as I am low on funds, because I need to save up all my income for rent and bills on monday.
-Buy's Food. Shit, don't I need to save like, Every cent right now? That's why we went Grocery shopping, to save money. Yeah I'm pretty sure I'm not making enough money this week to survive the next one. It left me feeling "ugh" when I did all the maths and saw the expenses being higher than the income, so I've disallowed my brain to think about budgeting for a few more days.
But that doesn't change the fact that something still needs to be done.
I know :| Right now, somehow I've figured that I need to either work on;
A) My motivational ability (Although this is something I can't just 'directly' influence, more making changes in life will eventually help assist in my ability to stay focused on singular tasks and motivated.
B) My discipline, which will feel great once I finish tasks. But I still haven't brought myself to starting most. It's been a few days since I've achieved anything so I kinda feel like I'm running on.... well nothing :\
What do you mean running on nothing?
Like, normally, there's a Drive, a motivation, and usually if I have been enjoying my down time, actually socializing with someone, or going out and spending money (Which, I can't do anymore... hey I wonder how much of my last two years happiness was based purely on anytime I bought something...) I can positively push through objectives and goals, using the buzz of happiness from whatever I did to cheer myself up (implying I was down, not though, sorta this ~monotone, I still don't think it works there, or here. Flat feeling.
Well it's 3pm. I think you should prioritize tasks you can only do during the day right now, that way when it get's to night time, you don't leave yourself stuck in that cycle of thinking up all these great idea's you could have done today, but it's too late now because the sun is down.
Part of me feels like even if I was satisfied with most things right now, money, time with friends, that I would still come home, Happier Yes, but I'd just hop on battlefield 4. I think I would enjoy it more than i would playing it now. But I want to be happier, and use that to be productive, not just enjoy all this extra time I got off.
So what do you want to do, or what do you think you should do.
I think I need to be in a better state of mind. I know what I just said about being worried I would still be lazy even if I did perk back up, but it's the only thing I can think of that I know I'll get up and move for. Or exercise. It's felt pretty good to be getting fitter, flatter stomach, and bigger arms.
But those thing's won't pay your bills on monday.
I know... I feel like a big brainstorming sesh, but most times I do, it's usually me going round in circles still not figuring out which is the best option to dedicate real time and/or money to.
Well, You better figure it out mate.
I promise, if I wake up feeling exactly as I do tomorrow, I'm going to force myself to do everything I know I should have done today, or any day. Then at the end of the day, hopefully looking back on thing's I achieve will start another positive domino effect.
I've noticed you seem to be a little too reliable on this domino effect being a real, valid thing.
It kind of is, but I also know i don't fully understand what triggers it, or how to necessarily take advantage of it once the ball does start rolling.
Well, it's your life you're trying to improve.
At least I've confidently stopped smoking.
Weed.
I'll stop with the bacchie bongs too...
For those who don't know, a bacchie is tobacco in a pipe. Christopher doesn't smoke cigarette's, so he get's a headspin when having one. it's still pointless and a waste.
The more you know.
No comments:
Post a Comment